A 2 Z of IPL-2009: Part II

12May09

Nehra: In the echelons of Indian bowlers who have run faster than they have bowled, Ashish Nehra ranks just below David Johnson. Nehra’s greatest trick is keeping the batsmen guessing till the last moment about whether he would successfully bowl the delivery or collapse near short leg or run a trajectory through mid-on, mid-wicket and square-leg etc. etc. The worst thing is he is bowling well and might be in the team if one of the main left-arm fast bowlers is injured. 

Old Men: 35 is the new 25 and all the Big Daddies of World Cricket are calling the shots in this IPL. Big Matt, Jayasurya, Sachin, Dravid, Gilli, Warne. You name it. As if they had a point to prove they have taken this IPL personally and are putting the Baccha brigade at their respective places. Big Matt’s press statement about Appam was worth its weight in Platinum. 

Pathan Bros: Almost all the cricket playing nations have had siblings representing them at the same time. The Waughs, Chapells, Hadlees, Odumbes, Flowers, Strangs and many more. India had some but never like the Pathans, both of whom can win a game for us on their own and have the potential to become good all-rounders, although Irfan did flounder after a promising start to his career. In the T20 format however they are a must inclusion as they can be devastating when on song. While Irfan can use the long handle to good effect and bowls his swingers and seamers effectively, Yousuf is possibly the hardest hitter in world cricket. A bit of consistency would be great though.

Queen Shetty of the Royals: Dumb, Hot, Rich owner of the Rajasthan Royals. From being an item number superstar to having a platoon of item girls (cheerleaders) she has come a long way. Just don’t ask her any cricket related questions, she will do just fine. I am hoping she will be the main cheerleader if the Royals enter the final.

Return of the King Khan: SRK kept on telling us how they are more dangerous this time around and how KKR team will put the fear of the Devil in opposition teams. Nuff said you thought. Par picture abhi baaki thi mere dost! He left his team midway and has come back to India after his team was molested by all others. Last heard he was throwing parties for a Spartan.

Sanath and Sachin: This IPL was the dream come true for fans of the sub-continental dynamites and boy did they explode or what! S-S made mincemeat of the KKR bowling attack and imposed such shock and awe on them that the KKRs are yet to recover from that shock and Ajantha Mendis is taking carrom lessons.

Ten Do. Ten Don’t!: The dilemma of Mumbai Indians is best captured by this once famous Amul Topical about the state of Indian Cricket. Sadly it fits The Mumbai Indians perfectly well too. They are yet to come out of Tendulkar’s shadow and need his presence / performance at the wicket to win despite having some of the best local and global talent in the tournament.

Umpire Dharmasena: Dharmasena does umpiring the way he used to play his cricket – Ugly. Handunnettige Deepthi Priyantha Kumar Dharmasena bowled / chucked his innocuous off-spinners during the middle overs in ODIs on the command of Lord Ranatunga and used to suck the life force out of batsmen in the ultraslow pitches of Sri Lanka always with a wicked hint of a smile. Many batsmen so irritated by waiting for him to go through his slow overs were not be able to take it and instead threw their wickets away and saved themselves from the hot Sri Lankan sun. Now he is back at his act while giving his decisions – slow and ugly with a wicked hint of a smile. BTW he is the only cricketer/umpire apart from Paul Reiffel, to have won a cricket World Cup and before you say it aloud I am going to lump it.

Venugopal Rao: The cult cricketer playing for the Deccan Chargers, he puts the charge in the Chargers. His legendary feats include sending the ball (cricket) to stratosphere only to let it fall strategically in the safe hands of a rival fielder and his sensational running between the wickets when even the fielders are confused about which end they have to throw. The b#$%@@#$% bomb he drops after taking the wicket of a rival batsman is a moment to treasure and he outperformed Sachin Tendulkar in the clash with MI. Nuff said.

Well bowled Warne: ‘Well bowled Warne’ might not match the aural pleasure of ‘Aur Jamaa Rajesh’ blabbered by Nayan Mongia relentlessly when Sir Rajesh Chauhan was plotting the downfall of the pathetic English batsmen on underprepared minefields across India but it sure indicates that the Greatest Sorcerer’s sleight of hand still cuts it. Warne’s spin bowling is certainly the high point of IPL-2009 and he proving that even at his age, he is light years ahead of the pretenders who are playing in the current Aussie Team.

Xtra Innings: T20 Extra Innings is a thing of pure joy. From discussions about the facial hair of Arun Lal to singing skills of Fu-king Charlie Cheng, Xtra Innings has everything but cricket. The new kids on the block along with some golden oldies have taken moronic commentary to new depths. They talk about how every match is going to be a cracker and is important for both the teams and more such deep fundas. The latest moron Gaurav, with his constipated and fake excitement, sometimes saying that how one T20 match is worth two in fact, ensures that bakchodi is forever. Bring back Mandira Bedi and more eye candy – At least they give you a reason for not listening to them.

You: Yes. You, me and all the other suckers who have made IPL a monster which is threatening to destroy all other forms of cricket. Although I don’t care about ODIs and think they should be done away with but Test Cricket is under serious threat. Even the Wisden Cricketers’ Almanack has come up with a new feature – The Wisden Test XI which is “The greatest Test cricketers of 2008 in a Test match dream team” to put the focus back on the real thing. If you don’t agree with me, please explain this: My blog which was in the blogroll / feed of 5 good friends is attracting 600 viewers every day after just a glossary for another blogger!! 822 and counting at the time of posting. You suckers.

Zinta: Dumb, Hot, Rich owner of the King’s XI Punjab who, when not giving hugs to all her team’s players (except Appam of course) can be seen going berserk with a flag when the team is performing well. She will do well if she sticks to the music videos of King’s XI.

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Tags: A to Z of IPL, Arun Lal, Dharmasena, Fake IPL Player, IPL, IPL 2009, Preity Zinta, Shahrukh Khan, Shilpa Shetty